So you have learned what you don”t want, sometimes painfully and sometimes hilariously, but it is clear to you. Abraham makes the point that this clarity is what contrast has to offer you, “If you know what you don’t want, you know what you do want”.
Well, yes and no.
At some level you do “know” what you want, but at the moment of recognizing what you don’t want, it is only as clear as “Not This”, which to the LOA looks like “Yes, more please” (in case you have forgotten, this is because as long as you pay att/energy to it, you are broadcasting the vibration of it and thereby calling more to your experience).
Once you recognize that you are continuing to energize what you don’t want in this fashion, you are faced with the untaught skill of identifying what you do want.To illustrate, allow me to use a personal example.
One day a few years ago, I was vacuuming and I was angry about it. I was muttering in my mind chatter about how it was unfair that I always had to do this, why didn’t anyone else see the need or take the responsibility, etc. Suddenly I realized that I was focusing on the “unwanted” aspect, so I stopped and thought, “Ok, what DO I want?” At first, I used my fall-back technique of asking what is the opposite of what I didn’t want. This wasn’t all that helpful as the opposite of not wanting to vacuum was wanting to vacuum.
Then I tried finding the feeling that was upsetting me. Resentment. AHA!
Ok, what did I want to feel Instead? This was not so easy to define, resentment is a pretty generalized feeling. I had to “try on” a few statements to hone in on it. “I feel like no one even sees what I do, that I am invisible, that the value I have is ignored.” Yep. That was it. It felt liberating to say it, and the feeling of resentment began to subside.
Appreciated. I wanted to get credit for vacuuming. Well, that was easy enough, actually. I made a big sign on the whiteboard to that effect. Even if no one else noticed, I felt good when I read it. (Proof that I don’t need external validation to feel better.)
Unsurprisingly, this happened another time when I was vacuuming, but when I thought of publicizing my accomplishment it didn’t solve the issue for me. Again I identified the feeling which this time was that I wanted help. Then, the NEXT time this came up, the answer that I wanted was to have someone else do it, to not be the only one responsible for doing it!
It rather surprised me at first that the same problem could have a different desired outcome EACH TIME. In retrospect, that makes sense, whether it is a case of refining my desired outcome or simply a reflection of the particular circumstances of the moment.
The point is that I would never have gotten relief from the feeling of resentment, much less understood the potential for a variety of desired outcomes if I had not tried to find what I DID want instead of focusing on what I didn’t.
In order to do THAT, I had to find the subtleties of the vibration I was offering and I knew when I had done so by the feeling of relief I got when I finally stumbled across the right words.
In summary, then, the more you know (in detail) what you don’t want, the more you know (in detail) what you do want.
You can find that detail while you are complaining, or you can find that detail while you are searching for relief, which is much more comfortable, because the energy of the the problem is very different from the energy of the solution.