Paradoxical Fun

Sometimes, when you are working on reorienting your thoughts to better-feeling ones, you hit a moment when you just can’t summon the energy/desire/motivation to “do the work”.  The first time I remember hitting this “roadblock”,  was when I was really angry about something.  It seemed, however, that whenever I tried to find a different thought, my mind went all fuzzy and there was nothing else to turn to.  I was vibrationally unavailable to any better-feeling thought.  Eventually, I gave myself up to the anger and just went with it, and when it was spent I discovered that now I felt like pivoting my thoughts.

My experience with feeling low wasn’t exactly like this, in that it didn’t blow itself out.  Instead I kept saying to myself, “This is where I am, right now and it is fine.  I accept  this, I accept exactly who I am right now, and I look forward to feeling better.”  I was surprised, actually, to find out that while I wasn’t exactly enjoying these times, they had their up side. Being angry felt powerful and a release, and provided I didn’t share it in a hurtful way with those around me, harmless.  Being bored and unproductive, while uncomfortable by being unfamiliar, had a restful aspect.

So sometimes I just wanted to be angry, sometimes I just wanted to feel sorry for myself, sometimes I just wanted to cry, etc.  Because I found some strange, non-traditional enjoyment from it, I decided to call it “paradoxical fun”.  And ever since I discovered this perspective, I’ve been able to analyze it and see how it works in a LoA paradigm.

To begin with, allowing myself to feel what I feel sends a great big “I accept and approve of myself” message to my subconscious.  I love myself warts and all, just as my Source does. That is being in alignment.

Secondly, being willing to accept even the “ugly” parts of myself, the ones that my tapes have decreed as unacceptable has allowed me to stop holding judgements against myself and see them all as just experiences.  It also means that I have no dark side to hide from.  I don’t have to fear that “you won’t like me if you really knew me” syndrome that many of us secretly fear is true.  If I can like even my dark bits, then I will be a vibrational match to people who also can.  In any event, I’ll like myself. :)  This is also being in alignment.

Thirdly, I no longer feel threatened by being stuck in an unpleasant emotion/experience.  Knowing that I can change it whenever I am ready to allows me the freedom to really experience it.  This is freedom, and also in alignment.

According to Abraham, if we hadn’t wanted to experience trials and travails we would not have incarnated.  They say that we came here for the fun of getting out of alignment in order to find our way back into alignment.  I expect that that is what I am calling “paradoxical fun”.

Now I have another wish for people, apart from “Have fun!”.  I can wish them “Have paradoxical fun!”, although I might do it in my head until I’m sure they are ready to hear it out loud…

Essences

Today I want to talk about essences. We all have things that we want; we want money, cars, clothes, lovers, jobs, whatever. And we want each of those things for a particular reason. An essence is that “thing” that you’re looking for, and more specifically, it’s that thing, as it would feel. So, for example, we all want lots of money because we want what we can get with lots of money. We can go places, do things, avoid doing things-we don’t have to work at a job we don’t like if we have lots and lots of money. So what do all those things have in common?

 

For me, I want money because I want the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without stopping to consider whether I can afford it. It’s the old joke, you go into a fancy French restaurant and if you have to ask the prices you can’t afford it. I want to live as though I can afford anything I want. And the basic, underlying essence of that is that I feel free. I want to feel completely unlimited.  I want to have the opportunity to do all the things I can name. All of those things could actually come to me, even without money! I could get the opportunity to do a job that I absolutely love, that didn’t feel like doing a job, that felt like having fun. I could go places and see things and do stuff by being invited, for example, without necessarily having to have any money.  I could win a prize, or something completely unexpected could provide the means or the money (because I am not against getting the money, either).

 

So once I accept the fact that I can have the essence that I’m looking for, I realize that in fact I can have it lots of ways. I’m unlimited, there’s no reason why money has to be the only way in which I get what I want. In that case, I can begin looking at all of the things that I could have, without making money the pre-condition. Better yet, I can look at how I already have that essence in my life. What are some of the freedoms that I want from having lots of money? I want to be able to own my own schedule.  Well, this is true, I don’t have a job. I can pretty much do whatever I want whenever I want, with some limitations!

 

I say with some limitations, because I still accept that there are limitations.  I haven’t yet been invited to go traveling around the world. However, that doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen! It just means it hasn’t happened yet. It partly hasn’t happened yet because I always think, “Ooh. If I were really rich, I could go traveling”, and I set it up as though that’s the way it has to be. Rather than saying, “Boy you know, I’m really looking forward to going to Ireland, or Scotland, or Turkey, or China, or wherever”, and allow the Law of Attraction to bring that opportunity in to me at exactly the right price.

 

So to identify the essence of what you’re looking for allows you to apply that understanding to what you already have. And as we know, with the Law of Attraction, in order to attract a thing, you already have to be feeling full of whatever quality, essence that you are seeking. In order to attract lots of money, you have to feel really abundant!  In order to attract love, you have to feel really loved! So now that you can look at a thing that you want and identify the essence from it, you can identify how you already have it in your life. Concentrate on that, put your attention on that, allow yourself to really feel happy, glad, grateful that you have that essence in your life to a degree you haven’t been crediting.

 

Once you truly feel that way two things will happen. One is that you will be happy because you have what you always wanted, and second is that those things which compliment that feeling will come to you. That is the Law of Attraction. Now that I’ve identified, as I just now did identify, the reason that I haven’t traveled the world is because I always defined it as something I could only do if I had lots of money, which I never believed I had.  Now I can travel the world simply because I’ve been invited to. You probably won’t believe this, but I just remembered that my daughter invited me to go traveling with her next summer. Whoa, I must be onto something…

 

That is the essence of essences.  It is partly your thoughts, but largely it’s the feeling. If you will go around feeling, “I can do whatever I want. I am completely free”, then the things that prove to you that you are completely free continue to arrive in your environment. Identifying the essence allows you to identify how you already have it, which allows you to become a vibrational match to having more of it, which is what you wanted in the first place.

 

 

The power of “Now”…and “Then”

You are always Here, Now.

Yesterday, 5 minutes ago and tomorrow do not exist!   Except, of course in your imagination, or as we call it when we are looking backward in time, memory.  Or else, perhaps, if indeed there are no such things as time and space, they exist concurrently with Now.

Each of these perspectives can be useful.   Now exists as your point of power, the place where you can take action.  If you cannot take action, it is not useful to waste your energy fretting about not being able to do so.  For example, it is oh-so-easy to get caught up in things that are not happening right now, and to treat them as if they were.  Are you mentally paying next month’s bills?  Or deciding if you can get that project done by your deadline?  Are you getting nervous? Why?

You don’t have to be afraid of something that isn’t happening.  In fact, if you can get a handle on your imaginings, you can assure yourself that the future that you anticipate nervously does not come to you.

If it is not time for action, what is it time for?  Pre-paving.  Segment intending.  In other words, using your imagination and your intent (because these are the tools of creation) to find good-feeling scenarios.  What you are thinking/feeling is what you are broadcasting to the LoA to match, so if it is scary, find another thought!

“I have food now, my bills are paid now, I am impeccably guided to take the right action at the right time, I know how to find the “up” side to everything that comes to me”, etc.

If you are going to think in the future, make it a good-feeling imagination, because the feelings that your imaginings about the future are bringing up within you are happening Now, being broadcast Now, being matched by the LoA in 17 seconds, in 68 seconds…

The same is true for memories, so HEAL them!  Use your pivoting skills to change the perspective, to see the other information that you weren’t aware of at the time, to give value to the experience.  If that is too hard, play “wouldn’t it have been nice” if it had happened another way.  It is not important to make it “true”, this is about changing your point of attraction in the Now!  Make it feel good Now!

This reminds me of a discussion I had with my husband a few years ago (pre-Abraham for me). He said “Create your own reality” felt overwhelming and since there are parallel universes of every description already existing (at least in potentia) he would prefer to think of it as “choosing” his own reality, thereby bypassing the process of constructing it detail by detail.  This “wouldn’t it be nice” game helped him access it through his subconscious.

Sometimes, especially with fear, it seems as if better-feeling thoughts are hiding from you.  This is a good time to use your intention.  First intend to release the physical sensation of fear, breathe deeply and remind yourself that you are not alone, you have all of Source to draw upon.  Ask for assistance.  Intend that the thoughts you want are there and they will become evident to you.  The more you relax, the more your Source is able to communicate with you, and the more positive perspectives you will think of.

Imagination and intention.  What you put your attention on grows larger and more real. It is the truth behind “Seek and ye shall find”.

 

 

The importance of feeling good

Seems like a no-brainer, right?  Feeling good is it’s own reward.  This is true and obvious, so why do we all do so many things that don’t feel good?  The short answer is that we have convinced ourselves that we must.  We “have to” work at that crummy, low-paid job which isn’t even fun and the managers don’t appreciate what unique and valuable things we have to offer.  We “have to” get up all night long to feed that baby, and then spend all day cooking, cleaning and taking care of the other rug rats.  We “have to” chop that wood, bale that hay, can those vegetables.

“Whoa!”, you say, “Of course I have to do those things!  We’d never survive if we didn’t!”  I am not taking exception to things needing to get done in life, just the perspective of “having to”.  It strikes me as a fundamental need for people to have a sense of freedom (why else do we all want lots of money?) and if you look at the things you do all day as being required of you, rather than chosen by you, your sense of freedom is diminished.  (see “Choices”)

We may not have control over what happens in our lives, but we have always got the choice of how we choose to see and feel about them.  The steering wheel in my car had been shaking for a week or so, and I thought about checking it out to see what it meant.  Then yesterday my husband had a flat tire when he got up to go to work.  He changed the tire, but on his way home, the lug nuts must have worked loose and the wheel fell off while he was driving.  He was fine, but the truck needed a lot of repair.  This was a reminder to me to get on with seeing to my car, which as it turned out had a belt separation and according to the mechanic could have blown out at any time, but soon for sure.

Since I brought my car to the same shop as my husband had, the mechanic commiserated with me about so much car repair expense.  Then he said, “The thing that worries me, you know, is they say that bad things always come in threes…” .  “The trick,” I replied, laughing, “is to see it as a good thing!”  My husband had kept the car under control and escaped injury, I was chivvied into getting my car fixed, which saved the stress of a blowout as well as the cost of towing!  I counted all that as  four good things, minimum.

It is all about perspective.  Everything that happens can be construed as good or bad, depending on how you view it.  Even things that are almost universally considered bad have good aspects.  The Holocaust and the Twin Towers attack, which are  horrifying and fearful examples of  ‘Man’s inhumanity to Man’  have caused people the world over to look around with new eyes at the global community and what makes it work, to hold their loved ones close and remember to appreciate them, to be grateful for the good things life has to offer us, individually as well as world wide.

Okay then, the importance of feeling good.  I want to juxtapose the Law of Attraction and mainstream “reasons” for feeling good, mostly to save me a whole ‘nother post, as this is the only LoA thing I want to say in this context.  The LoA teachings posit that what you are thinking/feeling now is what you are attracting to yourself for the future.  Obviously then, if you want good-feeling things to come to you, you find a way to feel good now (or as good as you can, as soon as you can), no matter what is happening.

The more mainstream reasons to maintain feeling good are, firstly, that it feels good.  Duh. Secondly, when you feel good, you get inspired ideas for dealing with things.  This does not happen when you are depressed or angry or frightened.  You may think of solutions to problems at those times but they are depressed or angry or frightened solutions.  Thirdly, when you feel good you get where you want to go so much more easily.   Hard work feels less ‘workish” and more productive,  problems are challenges to surmount, you are more willing to exult in your progress, etc.  Doing your tasks without feeling good about it feels like pushing against yourself, slogging, increasingly difficult, and in the end- not good enough.  And certainly not worth the effort.

You know it’s true. You want to always do the things you want to do, and feel good while you’re doing them.  So if you want to make a living, take care of the children and keep the farm, you can choose to feel good about the ways you have chosen to do that.  Until you make another choice, that is…

 

 

Words have Power. Or not.

Sometimes words have the power to open a new door to the world.  Sometimes they can strike a thrill of fear into your heart.  And sometimes, they are just noise flowing over you without making any impact at all.  So what makes the difference?  And what difference does that make to you?

The power of words lies in your hearing of them.  Your buzz words are someone else’s blah words.   In fact the words that activate you, for good or evil, do not even stay the same from one time to another.  To my great disappointment, that 3 word jotted note I made, to remind myself of an amazing insight I wanted to record, now portrays nothing of particular interest.  The ability of particular words to work on you depends on a multitude of factors from your mood, the timing of hearing them, and the issues that are cooking in your life at the moment.

The significance of noticing this effect, though, is that when you get a “ping” from a word or phrase that has power for you, it is a moment of opportunity.  If the “ping” is one that feels good, it helps you to identify something you want.  You could use it to build an effective affirmation.  My friend Coffee Lady (not her real name) is a big believer in repeating affirmations.  I have found that doesn’t do anything for me unless I believe it, and I can tell by saying it whether it falls into the category of

a) helpful-the ping feels good and I feel like I could elaborate on it,

b) counterproductive-the ping feels bad and I even hear myself arguing with myself about it or

c) just noise-no ping-no effect.

If the ping feels uncomfortable, it is still an opportunity.  This might be in the form of recognizing an issue you want to change in your life, and you can significantly defuse an issue by defusing the power words that bring it up.  I owe a significant change in my life to a time when I was feeling quite depressed and my friend Jill turned that experience upside-down by saying, “I prefer to think of it as ‘cocooning’ not ‘depression’.”  Just to call it by a more positive name gave me relief immediately, and then I had a new perspective; I could see my feelings as manageable.

What other power do words exert?  How about words like “can’t” or “must”.  These are coercive words, exaggerations which rob you of a sense of choice.  Nothing you say can actually remove your options, but if you say it enough, you begin to feel that way, which is very convincing!  (see “Choices”)

Our family had a tongue-in-cheek rule, “Never say always or never!”, because these are usually fighting words.  “You always…”, “You never…”.  The double whammy,  “I always have to…” or , “I never get to…” are a sure sign someone needs to take some breaths and figure out what they are really asking for.  Even for adults “always” and “never” can be counted on to push buttons.  Always :)

The words you use, the words you choose are either an accurate assessment of how you see yourself, your life and the world around you, or else they are an old habit.  In either case, they can teach you a lot about how you think, and they represent a powerful tool for change as well.

Do you want to feel good?

Better said, do you want to have the ability to feel good no matter what comes into your life?

You do have that ability already.  However, most of us need to build up that muscle a bit.  Identifying this ability and improving it in ourselves is the basis of these pages, and my path in this life.

I make a distinction between wanting to feel good no matter what, and having the ability to feel good no matter what.  It seems obvious that we all want to feel good all the time, but the truth is, if you haven’t already discovered this, that having some “bad” in your life really makes you appreciate the “good” ( you can’t have a rainbow without rain, eh?).  I use the quotation marks as a reminder that “good” and “bad” are judgments that we apply to things, but those judgments may change over time, or they may only partially describe an experience.

Cass Elliot of  “The Mamas and The Papas” (a vocal group of the 1960′s) was hit on the head by a falling pipe during the salad days of the group (“bad”, yes?) and afterward her already-impressive singing range was increased by three notes (“good”, yes?).  So was that “bad” or “good” or a “mixed blessing”?  Overall do you suppose she figured, in the end, it was a “good” thing?

So, let’s say we want to feel good at least most of the time, if not all of it.  We all have that ability to some extent.  For example, when something “bad” happens, like a car accident, very quickly the people involved will find things to be relieved about. “At least no one was hurt”,  “At least we were insured”, etc.  The desire to feel better is very strong and we “instinctively” look for the “up” side,  particularly when the unpleasant feelings we are having are intense and unexpected.

However, throughout the day, every day, we are faced with things we label as “good” or “bad” and then feel the appropriate feeling about. It is essential to understand that every thought we have has a feeling that will accompany it.  “I am no good at this” will always feel irritating, frustrating.  “He always drinks the coffee before I can have a cup in the morning” will always feel resentful.  “I am so good at this!” will always feel energizing.  “That was so thoughtful!” will always feel affirming.  My point is that each time we react to an event in our lives with a thought/judgment, it will generate a feeling.  More importantly, each thing that happens can be interpreted in more than one way.  The key here is to recognize that if you really want to feel good, you must consciously choose the perspective which will give you the good feeling!

For example, you wake up with a headache, there’s no coffee left, you hit all red lights on your way to work, the computer at work won’t boot up, your paper files seem to be misplaced…  You get the point.  Each of those things taken by itself is not a big deal, but the accumulation of them sends you into a downward spiral.  You find yourself saying, in your head at least, “This isn’t my day!” and “Now what can go wrong?”

I had a day like this recently, and despite all my practice in focusing on the positive, it took until the afternoon for me to see the humor in everything I touched exploding.  I heard myself complaining and being outraged at the continuous catastrophe, but I didn’t take the time to calm down and look for the ways in which I could appreciate it all, and as a result it got worse.  When I finally got tired of being frustrated and angry, I was able to see it as ludicrous, and therefore laughable.  At that point I could go back and look for reasons to be glad the day had gone as it had.  After all, the point wasn’t to be “realistic”, it was to feel better about it!

So even if you can’t control all of the things that come into your life, you always have control over how you choose to think, and therefore feel, about them.