The “Aha!” Junkie

Hello, my name is Laurie. I am a recovering “Aha!” addict.
During most of the many years I have been “on the spiritual path”, I looked forward to those “Aha!” moments, collected them, treasured them.
I signed up for courses seeking them, spent weekends doing shamanic journeys, communed with nature barefoot…

For many years I invested myself in becoming a Reiki master, a flower essence practitioner, a Medium, a dabbler in essential oils, etc, so that I would have a thing to share, to teach, and something I could point to and say, “I am this thing!”

All for the thrill, the rush of an insight high.

And then, gradually, I stopped caring what were cool and enlightened things to do because they were not feeding me as consistently as I wanted, literally and figuratively. Instead I have been seeking the biggest rush of all, everyday happiness. In retrospect, I see that the last year and a half I have scaled my expectations “down” into smaller and smaller pieces, until I finally realized that the big insights are things like, “Aha! I am tired!” and, “Aha! I am bored with this task!” And it is working! I am MUCH happier.

Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to feel the rush of an “Aha!” and not a thing to be discarded, and nothing I have gone through was wrong or wasted. it was the right time for that experience and brought me to where I am now. But to finally get it that knowing myself without regard to any outside influence is so much more rewarding than any momentary insight high!

Abraham says that the “rush” we feel when we catch up to ourselves is fun, but the real idea is to stay close enough so that you are not feeling the rush. I finally understand. For me, that rush was not so much enlightenment as overwhelm, but I never stayed there long enough to recognize it. Now I am staying there long enough to feel that it is all normal.

The Green Bubble

Several years ago, I was facing a conundrum.  I knew that all problems responded to love, and I wanted to be loving, but there were some things (people, circumstances) I just could not seem to find anything positive about, or think about without feeling very negative feelings.  So I asked my Invisible friends for help in coping with this issue.  Between us, we came up with the Green Bubble.

I had read about putting your troubles in a pink bubble and visualizing them floating up to be healed by God or the angels, but that didn’t feel satisfying to me.  I wanted to feel more active in the healing.  So I made a covenant with the universe that when I felt that way, I would mentally put that person or situation in a green bubble (green has not only signified to me the heart chakra, but also healing and growth) and that was the signal of my desire for all the love of the universe to be shined on it.

Did it help?  Well, I certainly felt better!

I used it in connection with a neighbor kid who has been troubled since his youth (he is now a young adult) any time I saw or heard him screaming filthy insults to his mom or his “friends”.  Instead of condemning him for his behavior, I carefully put him in a bubble, confident that he would receive the love that he needed.  Pretty soon I heard him telling another neighbor that he was going into an anger management program.  Not too long after that, my husband saw him in a store and told me what a nice, thoughtful young man he was.

Little by little , I saw him become happy and outgoing, even a little vulnerable, which he had never previously been able to afford to be.  Do I think my green bubble healed him?  Not completely.  He made peace with his demons by his own choosing.   I do believe my bubble helped him energetically both by the power of my intention ( in a quantum world, invisible forces  have strength) as well as by my withdrawal of negative judgement of him.  In addition, it helped me be open to seeing positive changes in him, as well as in my own life being able to let go of something that I had spent my energy feeling negative about.  Win, win, win.

More recently I have come to understand that what I have the hardest time loving in someone else is what I don’t love about myself in some fashion.  Because I am too close to the situation, it is almost impossible to see the connection, the mirror lesson.  In these cases, I put that part of myself in a green bubble ( I simply say:  “the part of myself which is in need of healing in this situation”), and usually the other person in a different one (because I still don’t want to be that close… :) ).   It’s hard to say how much of the effects I notice are from that particular strategy, but it is one more tool in the toolbox to let go and to feel better.

The Basics/ The Whole Story

There is no one in the universe that has the power to control my feelings, except me.

There is no one in the universe who has the power to control my thoughts, except me.

There is no one in the universe who has the power to control my intention, except me.

Therefore, there is no one in the universe who has the power to control the way I experience my life, my reality, except me.

And in exerting my power to choose I choose to select thoughts which support feeling good and loving myself and my life.

In choosing to see the love and the power and the gifts within myself, I am choosing to see the love and the power and the gifts of this planet and all that share in it; people, animals, plants, insects, elements and spirits.

In choosing to see and celebrate the health and well-being of, the growth and the evolution in myself and my life, I am choosing to see the health and well-being, the growth and evolution of the times, the ecology and this moment of evolution.

In exerting my power of choice to feel good, I choose to become a channel of the Source of all love and well-being, of all gifts and comfort.

I choose to see in others what strength and beauty and value they have forgotten or discounted in themselves during the play that they are enacting at the moment.

I choose to see their eternal selves and the perspective that brings.

I choose to embrace all of this to bring myself aliveness and joy, which cannot but overflow and change the world by making itself available more and more, one person by one person.

I believe it is true that the microcosm reflects the macrocosm, or as it is often said, “As above, so below: as within, so without”.  Our choices to feel good and be powerful nourish the physical world by improving who we are and what we have to offer.

 

 

The Nemesis Teacher

What is a nemesis teacher?  A person or thing which brings out in  you that which you don’t like.   Politicians and celebrities are often the vectors for this (no, I am really not just talking about Scott Walker or Rush Limbaugh).  They seem to embody, or at least espouse, those things that you feel are “wrong”.    They are people or experiences that you do not want to include in your personal reality.  They also have a way of being insistent enough to grab your attention!

Now you know that to put your attention on them simply gives them more power to disrupt your balance, but it seems impossible not to pay attention, so what do you do?  It behooves me at this point to put out a reminder that it is far easier (Really!  Or at least it will be) and more beneficial to distract yourself with something that you already feel good about, but that takes a lot of practice.  Meanwhile, find something to be grateful to your Nemesis Teacher for.  Really.

For example, that politician has powerfully drawn people’s attention to how the democratic process should work, what accountability should look like, what integrity really means.  That celebrity has caused us to value what he has put down with his name-calling tactics, has given us the opportunity to play with it in a humorous fashion.  It has pointed up what we really want by comparison to what we don’t want.

I used to tell my kids that if you really can’t find any other reason to be grateful to a nemesis teacher, tell yourself, “I’m so glad I’m not you!” (over time this has morphed into, “I’m so glad I am who I am”, but the other version has more punch because it tickles your funny bone.  Sometimes there’s a lot of relief to be had in being kinda mean in private!)

The Nemesis Teacher can be a person or an experience (being locked out of the house with the groceries and a busy agenda, for example) and it is what Abraham refers to as “contrast”.   The word “contrast” is a non-judgmental way of looking at it and points up the fact that it is  a contrast to what you want, thereby gently suggesting that inherent in the situation is an understanding of what you DO want.

So, if you are locked out of the house with the groceries and a to do list as long as your arm, what good does it do you to know that what you really want is to get inside and do your stuff?  Well, I admit that this part is kinda tricky.  The truth is that you need to identify the bit about what you want to feel, not the circumstances.  What you can’t change IS, so set about changing what you can change–your feelings about it.

“So, I’ve done what I can to get someone with a key to let me in.  Now how can I make this an experience I’m OK with?  It’s cold enough to keep the groceries from spoiling, yet warm enough that I won’t freeze.  If I wanted to, I could probably get invited into a neighbors for awhile if I do get too cold.  Wouldn’t it be nice if someone with a key comes faster than I expect.  The sky show is pretty amazing, and anything I wanted to do will still be there to do when I get to it.  This will be funny later.   It’s a little bit funny now. Every thing will be okay. ”

Who’s happier, Pooh or Eeyore?  It’s up to you which one you choose to spend your time and energy to be.

 

Poco a poco

We tend to think small changes are unimportant, insignificant.  We discount their value because it doesn’t seem like enough.   Never think so!  When changes come gradually, it gives us a chance to become accustomed to them, to try them on and make sure they fit.

When a toddler learns to jump (what a joy to watch, you’d think they were learning to fly!), they will often practice jumping with one foot first, which looks almost like stomping, but you can tell.  They find it so exciting, they stomp around and stomp around until one day-BOOM!- two feet leave the ground!  How long would it have taken to achieve two feet off the ground if they had discounted the value of one-foot jumping?

The vast majority of changes in our lives are accomplished little by little, adding up to an incremental progression.  We notice it in our children because it is so (relatively) fast, but to get a look at the changes we have wrought in ourselves, it is sometimes necessary to look back over a time period of a few months or a year to see how those incremental changes have mounted up.  I just did this and I am SO much happier on a daily basis, SO much better at managing my vibration, particularly at finding positive aspects to put my attention on.

When you do this, be sure to give yourself credit for every little bit.  If you find yourself tempted to judge something as not good enough to list, list it and then make a point of adding a reason (and make it one which feels authentic) as to why this was valuable enough to list.  I frequently make this a reason which tickles my funnybone, such as, “it brings my word count up by 25″, because when I find something funny I am in the vicinity of my best feeling times and often get swept along to even better feelings.

 

 

 

Love the Commonplace

Something we have learned well, and we can see this clearly when we look at the media, is to put our attention on what is topical.  What big thing is garnering all of our attention today, this week, this month?  I have never seen the Nightly News come right out and say, “People all over the world are still loving each other the best way they know how, today” or “98.5% of children under 3 learned half a dozen useful skills this morning and can be expected to do it again tomorrow”. The media would tell us that is not ‘news’.  That is commonplace.

Politicians are corrupt, corporations are soulless, life is unfair to the common man, disease is rampant, etc.  Sorry, but none of this is new.  Also, none of this is or ever has been universal: not all politicians are corrupt, not all corporations are soulless, each and every one of us, common or uncommon has choices, and health is also rampant.  So why, after millenia are we still considering this viewpoint as worthy of our attention?  Simple.  It is a practiced habit.

We tend to pay attention to topical issues, both as a population and as individuals.  However, the ability to go back over your assumptions and those choices that were made before is a very important tool in changing a habit!  Ask yourself what benefit you get from paying attention to the negatives.  I can think of 2 offhand:

1) It points out the positive direction by contrast (if I don’t want pain, I do want comfort).

2) It feels so good when you stop (paying attention to the negatives).

It is a basic LoA principle that what you pay attention to grows larger, and that you can’t magnetize what you DO want by focusing on what you DON’T want.  To attract it, you must already see yourself having it.  Since this is kinda tough, especially in the beginning, I have a suggestion.  Train yourself out of the habit of focusing on what you don’t want by training yourself to disregard topical issues, social and private.  Start with the ones that are outside your direct control, for example what you see in the media. Replace those thoughts with the ways you have what you want.  Despite what the media says, I have a job, a house, a car, etc.   HINT: Allow yourself to speak from this very moment! Do not predict that you may not have it next week, next week is not here! Match yourself NOW to what you want any time in the future.

The next suggestion is really the meat of this post: celebrate those commonplace things that are so easy to disregard because they are ‘not good enough’ to actually celebrate.  One of my daughters was miserable at one point in her teens because no one loved her.  I told her I loved her and thought she was special.  She replied, “That doesn’t count, you have to love me, you’re my mother”.  This just goes to show our ability to disregard what could be a source of comfort or celebration. Once I had a migraine and searched my entire body for a spot that didn’t hurt, so I could put my attention on it.  It was the arches of my feet.  As I focused my attention on them, not only did the pain recede from my awareness, the arches of my feet rubbing against one another became more and more deliciously comfortable.

I did this today and I felt so much better, I began to giggle. “I love the way these jeans fit, I really look forward to having all my jeans fit this well. I love having lots of clothes to choose from to stay warm.  I love the warmth and the massage of the water in the shower, and the way I feel refreshed and renewed when I get out.  I love the smell of this dill I am harvesting and this soup I am making.  I love the feeling of release I get from taking a big breath. I love the fact that I can feel better whenever I want by breathing deeply.  I love the fact that once I get started doing this, I attract more ideas of what I love….”

Give credit to your commonplace abundance, allow it to help you feel better for as long as you do it, and practice this habit.  You will find the harder issues will, little by little, get easier.

10 ways to say “I don’t FEEL like it”

Sometimes we have occasion to answer to others why we are making the choice  to do what we feel like, sometimes instead of what they want or instead of what is socially acceptable. Here are 10 ways:

1-Nope

2- I am not inspired/ impulsed to do that

3-That doesn’t feel right

4-I can’t be arsed

5-I’m not available for that

6-I don’t think so

7-I’m just not drawn/attracted to that

8-I don’t feel like it

9-That’s not how I want to spend my time/energy/money/life

10-

Number 10 has been left blank intentionally, because there are times when no response is the best response.  There are many ways to make no response;  you can simply be silent  (which speaks volumes), you can change the subject (sometimes repeatedly), you can give a pseudo answer (so that they don’t know that you haven’t answered them.  This is an art for quick-thinking individuals and authors.)

Back in the day, when my regional sales manager would call to get my sales numbers, and I didn’t want to admit to a bad week, I would answer, “No speak Engrish!”  Not surprisingly, he quickly figured out what that meant anyway…

By now, I hope you understand the importance of honoring your inspirations/impulses.  As you hold a vibration of doing what feels good, so you are creating a manifestation of the things you want that feel good.  So what can be gained from following your desire to say no or to not answer?

1) Clarity.  For you, because you have evaluated and made your decision and do not have to make it palatable to anyone else.  For the other person/people involved, because without your input they must rely on their own knowledge and feelings to make the decision about the next step, therefore you afford them the opportunity to achieve clarity for themselves.  Keep in mind that not everyone appreciates this opportunity, because few people are accustomed to it, or to owning their own power.  That, however, is their business and none of yours.

2) Power.  Anytime you are true to yourself and feel satisfied, you are taking back your power, because your thoughts and feelings  are the only things that are truly, completely yours to control.  When you allow “shoulds” to rule you, you are allowing the tapes in your head to have your power, and it does not feel good.  Even if you might choose that action/thought of your own free will, it must be chosen for your own reasons, not simply because it is expected by some outside authority for you to be considered as “good enough”.

Remember: 

Selfish is what you are called when you are not doing what someone else wants you to.

More and Better

Old habits of thought.  We all have them and we always will. An old habit of thought is simply that; an outmoded “belief” that we continue to invoke out of habit rather than intention.  ” Shoulds” are a very good example of this because, almost by definition, it signifies something that you feel must be done out of compunction instead of desire.

Reminder: Doing what you desire, what you “feel” like doing, is following guidance/ staying in alignment/treading the path you have already created in thought.

Old habits are not ‘wrong’, any more than you were wrong to be who you were yesterday, last month or 10 years ago.  They served you very well when you were treading that part of your path.  Traveling at the 30 mph speed limit is fine inside the city, but once you leave that speed zone, it is more fitting to go at highway speed.  You will get to your destination faster, you will be in synch with others on the same path at the same time, and it feels good to really go when the circumstances are right.

Not only did your old habits suit you then, they made it possible to grow and move forward to where you are now.  They were the stepping stones to Here Now.  So while it is good to have a “rummage sale of the mind” (to quote my old minister) and let go of outmoded thoughts like “I can’t afford that” (versus, “I don’t feel like spending my money on that right now”), it is important to recognize what those old thoughts brought you.

The Example:  As a kid you always wanted a sports car, and you daydreamed about looking cool and going fast.  At the same time you were busily learning patterns of limitation about money, opportunities, and your qualifications for them.  You might have learned that your parents thought they never had enough money and what they did have had to be earned by laboring at a job that didn’t thrill them to bits, that to have something you wanted meant going without something else, that certain things were only available to rich people (who weren’t you).

Still you dreamed about the sports car, even while you learned to accept that it probably wasn’t something you’d ever have.  You added features and colors, refining your vision of the perfect sports car every time you saw the newest models.  Once you saw an ad for a sports car at a terrific price, but it turned out to be 25 years old, rusted and without a transmission or tires.  Your hopes which had been secretly raised were dashed (as you knew they would be) and you became bitter that you couldn’t get even a decent old one.  This was a crucial moment!

If you had been studying Abraham and the Law of Attraction, you might have realized that you had a choice of how to view this; one way would bring you closer to having the sports car of your dreams; the other would increasingly alienate your chances.  If you could recognize how cleverly the Law of Attraction matched not only your desire for a sports car, but also matched your beliefs and expectations about money and the kinds of experiences that were available to you, you could have taken the view that you had manifested a sports car!

Because you had so many beliefs that hindered getting a luxury item like a sports car at all, it said a lot that you came across one at an affordable price.  The shape it was in was simply showing you the limits your expectations put on your manifestation.  At this point then, you recognize that you have attracted a sports car (yay!), and while pleased with yourself for that, you don’t feel the need to invest in this poor specimen.

Instead, you continue to daydream the perfect car and every time your old habits of thought start an argument with your dream, you’ll recognize them.  They are the thoughts that don’t feel good.  You’ll gradually make peace with those old habits and let them go, replacing them with thoughts that suit you now.  With any luck, you will be on the lookout for the next evidence of your changed/refined desire, knowing that even if it isn’t perfect, it is indicating movement towards what you really want.

The crucial part here?  Understanding that the manifestations surrounding you NOW are answers to prayers/desires from BEFORE.  Your desires have changed, moved up a notch and always will! It is in our nature to want More and Better.   Each time you get what you’ve  wanted: your manifestations will lag a bit behind, but as you are able to “see” them as your manifestations from before, and can get the point of what the imperfections are telling you about your own beliefs, the faster and more like what you really want they can get.

One last point is that there are some ‘places’ in your life that the manifestations meet and exceed your desires.  When you meet up with these, you say, “Wow! How cool is that!” or “I am having a lucky day!”  These are the manifestations you have also wrought, take credit for having that stuff together so well!

Other People’s “Stuff”

I had a dream recently in which I was watching one of my children writhing in pain and my “teacher” was explaining that despite what this looked like and my desire to ease her, if I could refrain from taking away her pain, she had the opportunity to discover a way to do it herself and possibly expand the techniques available to all of us.   “She has chosen this, do not curtail her creativity”, I was told.

Unusually for me, I remembered this dream after I woke up, and it was all too clear what it pertained to.  I am the MOM, I know all the Answers and it has always been my job to ‘make it better’.  Until, of course, my children became adults who have progressively made it clear that I don’t have all the answers for their lives and would I kindly learn how to be supportive instead of in charge.  The nice part about this lesson is that it is also applicable to everyone else I know, or might come to know, or even ones I don’t know, but who co-exist on this planet with me.

To make the lesson easier to relate to, let’s pretend that that other person is untangling a big knot in a rope.  It is challenging, frustrating, sometimes to the point of setting it aside for awhile, but when it is done it is an accomplishment to be proud of, and has shown them, perhaps, some of the rules governing the fine art of untangling.   If I insist that they hand it over because I am really good at untangling ropes, what have they gained?   Some free time?, a sense of impotence?, another occasion when they failed to be ‘good enough’?

I am available as a resource when they want my advice or skills.  Asking for help is also a skill one must learn sometime.  If I can trust that this person has the skills, or the right to learn the skills needed to overcome this situation, I might be delighted to find there are ways of untangling ropes that I didn’t know, perhaps no one ever used before!

I saw a church marquee that said, “Children need more models than critics”, which is true and good.  That still leaves me wondering how to be supportive rather than just detached.   So I think back to the times in my life when a friend gave me just what I needed.  I find that what worked best was when they said something like, “Yeah, that’s hard.  I take comfort knowing this is just the sort of thing you’re good at.  You always work it out and I am always impressed by how you do it.”  They gave me a vote of confidence that didn’t sound like a platitude, because they meant it.

I am better prepared now to see the ways in which my children, or others, are perfectly suited to solve the riddles their lives pose them, because, after all, they set themselves up for it by making the choices that got them there in the first place!  As I have in my life also.  It’s just a knot in the rope, and I can’t wait to see how they untangle it…

Why be vibrationally available?

Abraham tells us  that we are always creators, that we create by default until we focus on creating by deliberate choice.  How do we create deliberately?  By recognizing the vibrational frequency we are broadcasting and learning to alter it to align with what we want.  This sounds hard, yes?  Incomprehensible even, yes?  Well, in the beginning it sometimes feels like it, but it isn’t so hard and you already do it at times.  Let’s look at some examples.

Everyone has, at some time, misplaced their keys/checkbook/whatever and searched for it with increasing degrees of frantic desperation.  Later, you find it in the place you checked 3 times!  What happened was a case of vibrational unavailability.  You are heading out the door and reach for the keys…which aren’t where you expect them to be.  A thought something like, “Oh no, I don’t have time for this” comes up.  While you think you are looking for your keys, you are actually focused on the idea that your keys are missing!  This is a very different vibration.

Try it.  Say aloud, “I can’t find my keys!” or , “I’ve lost my keys!”

 

Now say, “I am finding my keys!”   Did you feel the difference?

If you felt the difference, congratulate yourself, because that shows you are vibrationally discerning.  If you didn’t feel it, don’t worry, it doesn’t take much practice to learn.  Even just being open to noticing those feelings will increase your ability.  In fact, there are already times when you say something and it strikes you as “incorrect” or “not quite right” and you search for a better way to say it.  At that time you are being vibrationally discerning by matching the feel of the words with the feel of your meaning.

OK, so when you searched the place where your keys will be found later, you were focused on not being able to find them, therefore you didn’t find them.  See what a powerful creator you are?  They were right there all the time and you just didn’t see them.  Now what about all the other things which you think you want and don’t have?  How many ways are you offering a vibrational frequency that prevents you from seeing that what you want is right there?

Let’s say you want lots of money (because who doesn’t?).  Ask yourself what having lots of money would give you.  Freedom?  Security? Opportunities? Now list all the ways in which you already have those things.  At this point I must caution you that you will think of reason after reason why what you’ve listed is not good enough.  Resist the temptation!  That is what is keeping you from seeing your desires have been answered!  Next example, from my life;

Last year, the annuity income that my husband had (and was our primary income) abruptly ceased.  I wrote a description of my “perfect job” to direct my creative powers to fulfill.

1) Flexible hours allow me to maintain my home surroundings to my satisfaction, as well as provide rides to my kids as needed and to pursue my spiritual and social life to my satisfaction (ex. study group, weekly coffee with friend, etc)

2) provides an environment (physically, socially, professionally) that is comfortable, graceful, exquisitely productive, challenging yet unstressful, stimulating without being over-demanding.

3) Provides an income that exceeds my needs and desires at all times.

After 6 months of job-hunting I still had no job.  I looked at my list in disgust.   I had been perfectly clear and that was still what I wanted.  I’m not sure when I next looked, but I can tell you I was in a much better vibrational frequency because when I did, I realized that I had everything on that list!

I have been self-employed building this business.

1) My hours are flexible enough to do everything I wanted.

2) The environments I operate in (my home, the beach and the venues for Funshops) are everything I asked for.

3) While I am not yet earning the level of income I imagined, my needs and desires are met and exceeded.  I don’t know where the money will come from, but for almost a year it HAS!

It wasn’t until I looked at that list from a new perspective, made possible largely by resisting the urge to say, even in my head, that what I have isn’t good enough, that I could see that my wish had been granted.

How to be vibrationally available to what you want?  (to be continued )