The “Aha!” Junkie

Hello, my name is Laurie. I am a recovering “Aha!” addict.
During most of the many years I have been “on the spiritual path”, I looked forward to those “Aha!” moments, collected them, treasured them.
I signed up for courses seeking them, spent weekends doing shamanic journeys, communed with nature barefoot…

For many years I invested myself in becoming a Reiki master, a flower essence practitioner, a Medium, a dabbler in essential oils, etc, so that I would have a thing to share, to teach, and something I could point to and say, “I am this thing!”

All for the thrill, the rush of an insight high.

And then, gradually, I stopped caring what were cool and enlightened things to do because they were not feeding me as consistently as I wanted, literally and figuratively. Instead I have been seeking the biggest rush of all, everyday happiness. In retrospect, I see that the last year and a half I have scaled my expectations “down” into smaller and smaller pieces, until I finally realized that the big insights are things like, “Aha! I am tired!” and, “Aha! I am bored with this task!” And it is working! I am MUCH happier.

Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to feel the rush of an “Aha!” and not a thing to be discarded, and nothing I have gone through was wrong or wasted. it was the right time for that experience and brought me to where I am now. But to finally get it that knowing myself without regard to any outside influence is so much more rewarding than any momentary insight high!

Abraham says that the “rush” we feel when we catch up to ourselves is fun, but the real idea is to stay close enough so that you are not feeling the rush. I finally understand. For me, that rush was not so much enlightenment as overwhelm, but I never stayed there long enough to recognize it. Now I am staying there long enough to feel that it is all normal.

inner dialogue

I shared a Facebook post complaining about some subject and the unfairness with which it was being treated, probably by a governmental institution (?).  Honestly, I don’t remember the subject, but I remember that it twanged a note of victimhood in me at the time.  Very quickly I became uncomfortable with having shared it.
I wouldn’t even have posted this in my blog but for the fact that as I was looking at the draft, I managed to hit the right buttons to share it.  I am leaving it up because I took that a sign…

 

  • Tree at Large Since I posted this I have been a having a little internal dialogue about it.
    Self: If I am, as I believe, the creator of my own reality, through my intention, thoughts, feelings and focus of attention, then why would I subscribe to and propagate the fearfulness embodied in this statement?
  • Tree at Large Other part of Self: Well, it could have been said better, but since it caught my eye, I know that there is something in it for me to evaluate that reflects some belief of mine. I think it stimulated the part of me that wants complete freedom. Sometimes I think that I don’t have complete freedom.
  • Tree at Large S: Complete freedom would include the agencies above having complete freedom as well, right? And the protection of that freedom you want would be assured by the power of your focused thought, right?
  • Tree at Large OPoS: Hmmm, yes, I think so. So I guess this was sort of a pre-emptive strike against interference in my freedom. Which is rather a chip on my shoulder, making the assumption that the enemy IS there to take a shot at it.
  • Tree at Large Self: So what do we do about it? Take it down or let it stand?
  • Tree at Large OPoS: It doesn’t really matter, if I can make peace with the issue it raised. If this statement and it’s assumptions were a jar of capers, it would not get in my apple pie unless I put it there by focusing my attention on it.
  • Tree at Large OPoS: Besides I can always decide to take it down. New choices are always available.

The Basics/ The Whole Story

There is no one in the universe that has the power to control my feelings, except me.

There is no one in the universe who has the power to control my thoughts, except me.

There is no one in the universe who has the power to control my intention, except me.

Therefore, there is no one in the universe who has the power to control the way I experience my life, my reality, except me.

And in exerting my power to choose I choose to select thoughts which support feeling good and loving myself and my life.

In choosing to see the love and the power and the gifts within myself, I am choosing to see the love and the power and the gifts of this planet and all that share in it; people, animals, plants, insects, elements and spirits.

In choosing to see and celebrate the health and well-being of, the growth and the evolution in myself and my life, I am choosing to see the health and well-being, the growth and evolution of the times, the ecology and this moment of evolution.

In exerting my power of choice to feel good, I choose to become a channel of the Source of all love and well-being, of all gifts and comfort.

I choose to see in others what strength and beauty and value they have forgotten or discounted in themselves during the play that they are enacting at the moment.

I choose to see their eternal selves and the perspective that brings.

I choose to embrace all of this to bring myself aliveness and joy, which cannot but overflow and change the world by making itself available more and more, one person by one person.

I believe it is true that the microcosm reflects the macrocosm, or as it is often said, “As above, so below: as within, so without”.  Our choices to feel good and be powerful nourish the physical world by improving who we are and what we have to offer.

 

 

I am changing, blog is changing…

In the 7 months since I began this blog I have undergone numerous changes of direction, but I always tried to keep the focus of the blog in the same ballpark.  That is, I was attempting to make LoA principles understandable from a mainstream perspective.

I have recently come to understand that what I really want is a place to record the inspirations that sheet through the universe and land in my brain.  Whether anyone gets it or not.  That’s not to say that I don’t want you to get it. I do.  But it is really more about getting it out of my brain and into form, and less about “teaching” anybody anything.  I expect that, the Law of Attraction being what it is, anyone who needs/wants  to hear what I say will be attracted to it in some miraculous or mundane fashion.

Just thought I’d say it.  :)

And I am sooo not done….

10 ways to say “I don’t FEEL like it”

Sometimes we have occasion to answer to others why we are making the choice  to do what we feel like, sometimes instead of what they want or instead of what is socially acceptable. Here are 10 ways:

1-Nope

2- I am not inspired/ impulsed to do that

3-That doesn’t feel right

4-I can’t be arsed

5-I’m not available for that

6-I don’t think so

7-I’m just not drawn/attracted to that

8-I don’t feel like it

9-That’s not how I want to spend my time/energy/money/life

10-

Number 10 has been left blank intentionally, because there are times when no response is the best response.  There are many ways to make no response;  you can simply be silent  (which speaks volumes), you can change the subject (sometimes repeatedly), you can give a pseudo answer (so that they don’t know that you haven’t answered them.  This is an art for quick-thinking individuals and authors.)

Back in the day, when my regional sales manager would call to get my sales numbers, and I didn’t want to admit to a bad week, I would answer, “No speak Engrish!”  Not surprisingly, he quickly figured out what that meant anyway…

By now, I hope you understand the importance of honoring your inspirations/impulses.  As you hold a vibration of doing what feels good, so you are creating a manifestation of the things you want that feel good.  So what can be gained from following your desire to say no or to not answer?

1) Clarity.  For you, because you have evaluated and made your decision and do not have to make it palatable to anyone else.  For the other person/people involved, because without your input they must rely on their own knowledge and feelings to make the decision about the next step, therefore you afford them the opportunity to achieve clarity for themselves.  Keep in mind that not everyone appreciates this opportunity, because few people are accustomed to it, or to owning their own power.  That, however, is their business and none of yours.

2) Power.  Anytime you are true to yourself and feel satisfied, you are taking back your power, because your thoughts and feelings  are the only things that are truly, completely yours to control.  When you allow “shoulds” to rule you, you are allowing the tapes in your head to have your power, and it does not feel good.  Even if you might choose that action/thought of your own free will, it must be chosen for your own reasons, not simply because it is expected by some outside authority for you to be considered as “good enough”.

Remember: 

Selfish is what you are called when you are not doing what someone else wants you to.

Other People’s “Stuff”

I had a dream recently in which I was watching one of my children writhing in pain and my “teacher” was explaining that despite what this looked like and my desire to ease her, if I could refrain from taking away her pain, she had the opportunity to discover a way to do it herself and possibly expand the techniques available to all of us.   “She has chosen this, do not curtail her creativity”, I was told.

Unusually for me, I remembered this dream after I woke up, and it was all too clear what it pertained to.  I am the MOM, I know all the Answers and it has always been my job to ‘make it better’.  Until, of course, my children became adults who have progressively made it clear that I don’t have all the answers for their lives and would I kindly learn how to be supportive instead of in charge.  The nice part about this lesson is that it is also applicable to everyone else I know, or might come to know, or even ones I don’t know, but who co-exist on this planet with me.

To make the lesson easier to relate to, let’s pretend that that other person is untangling a big knot in a rope.  It is challenging, frustrating, sometimes to the point of setting it aside for awhile, but when it is done it is an accomplishment to be proud of, and has shown them, perhaps, some of the rules governing the fine art of untangling.   If I insist that they hand it over because I am really good at untangling ropes, what have they gained?   Some free time?, a sense of impotence?, another occasion when they failed to be ‘good enough’?

I am available as a resource when they want my advice or skills.  Asking for help is also a skill one must learn sometime.  If I can trust that this person has the skills, or the right to learn the skills needed to overcome this situation, I might be delighted to find there are ways of untangling ropes that I didn’t know, perhaps no one ever used before!

I saw a church marquee that said, “Children need more models than critics”, which is true and good.  That still leaves me wondering how to be supportive rather than just detached.   So I think back to the times in my life when a friend gave me just what I needed.  I find that what worked best was when they said something like, “Yeah, that’s hard.  I take comfort knowing this is just the sort of thing you’re good at.  You always work it out and I am always impressed by how you do it.”  They gave me a vote of confidence that didn’t sound like a platitude, because they meant it.

I am better prepared now to see the ways in which my children, or others, are perfectly suited to solve the riddles their lives pose them, because, after all, they set themselves up for it by making the choices that got them there in the first place!  As I have in my life also.  It’s just a knot in the rope, and I can’t wait to see how they untangle it…

Paradoxical Fun

Sometimes, when you are working on reorienting your thoughts to better-feeling ones, you hit a moment when you just can’t summon the energy/desire/motivation to “do the work”.  The first time I remember hitting this “roadblock”,  was when I was really angry about something.  It seemed, however, that whenever I tried to find a different thought, my mind went all fuzzy and there was nothing else to turn to.  I was vibrationally unavailable to any better-feeling thought.  Eventually, I gave myself up to the anger and just went with it, and when it was spent I discovered that now I felt like pivoting my thoughts.

My experience with feeling low wasn’t exactly like this, in that it didn’t blow itself out.  Instead I kept saying to myself, “This is where I am, right now and it is fine.  I accept  this, I accept exactly who I am right now, and I look forward to feeling better.”  I was surprised, actually, to find out that while I wasn’t exactly enjoying these times, they had their up side. Being angry felt powerful and a release, and provided I didn’t share it in a hurtful way with those around me, harmless.  Being bored and unproductive, while uncomfortable by being unfamiliar, had a restful aspect.

So sometimes I just wanted to be angry, sometimes I just wanted to feel sorry for myself, sometimes I just wanted to cry, etc.  Because I found some strange, non-traditional enjoyment from it, I decided to call it “paradoxical fun”.  And ever since I discovered this perspective, I’ve been able to analyze it and see how it works in a LoA paradigm.

To begin with, allowing myself to feel what I feel sends a great big “I accept and approve of myself” message to my subconscious.  I love myself warts and all, just as my Source does. That is being in alignment.

Secondly, being willing to accept even the “ugly” parts of myself, the ones that my tapes have decreed as unacceptable has allowed me to stop holding judgements against myself and see them all as just experiences.  It also means that I have no dark side to hide from.  I don’t have to fear that “you won’t like me if you really knew me” syndrome that many of us secretly fear is true.  If I can like even my dark bits, then I will be a vibrational match to people who also can.  In any event, I’ll like myself. :)  This is also being in alignment.

Thirdly, I no longer feel threatened by being stuck in an unpleasant emotion/experience.  Knowing that I can change it whenever I am ready to allows me the freedom to really experience it.  This is freedom, and also in alignment.

According to Abraham, if we hadn’t wanted to experience trials and travails we would not have incarnated.  They say that we came here for the fun of getting out of alignment in order to find our way back into alignment.  I expect that that is what I am calling “paradoxical fun”.

Now I have another wish for people, apart from “Have fun!”.  I can wish them “Have paradoxical fun!”, although I might do it in my head until I’m sure they are ready to hear it out loud…