The “Aha!” Junkie

Hello, my name is Laurie. I am a recovering “Aha!” addict.
During most of the many years I have been “on the spiritual path”, I looked forward to those “Aha!” moments, collected them, treasured them.
I signed up for courses seeking them, spent weekends doing shamanic journeys, communed with nature barefoot…

For many years I invested myself in becoming a Reiki master, a flower essence practitioner, a Medium, a dabbler in essential oils, etc, so that I would have a thing to share, to teach, and something I could point to and say, “I am this thing!”

All for the thrill, the rush of an insight high.

And then, gradually, I stopped caring what were cool and enlightened things to do because they were not feeding me as consistently as I wanted, literally and figuratively. Instead I have been seeking the biggest rush of all, everyday happiness. In retrospect, I see that the last year and a half I have scaled my expectations “down” into smaller and smaller pieces, until I finally realized that the big insights are things like, “Aha! I am tired!” and, “Aha! I am bored with this task!” And it is working! I am MUCH happier.

Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to feel the rush of an “Aha!” and not a thing to be discarded, and nothing I have gone through was wrong or wasted. it was the right time for that experience and brought me to where I am now. But to finally get it that knowing myself without regard to any outside influence is so much more rewarding than any momentary insight high!

Abraham says that the “rush” we feel when we catch up to ourselves is fun, but the real idea is to stay close enough so that you are not feeling the rush. I finally understand. For me, that rush was not so much enlightenment as overwhelm, but I never stayed there long enough to recognize it. Now I am staying there long enough to feel that it is all normal.

Divine discontent

A perfect example of Divine discontent is the desire of a woman in late pregnancy to just give birth and “get this over, already”.  It is the proper maturation of the experience at just the right time to make a necessary transition.  She is in tune with the process, she is in tune with the child within her.

Springtime is another good example.  When the sun begins to return, our hearts are lifted and we begin to anticipate the end of the cold weather.  By the time nice weather rolls around we are energized, primed for the growth that is happening all around us to take root within us.  It is a time to consciously allow the expansion that is “in the air”.

There are many times in our lives when we feel Divine discontent, and it is important to understand the role that it plays. Do we need to distinguish this feeling of having outgrown our situation from the discontent that arises from putting our attention on what we don’t want, that thing that Abraham calls “beating the drum of unwanted”?  How do you tell one from the other? Is there a difference? Good question.  This is the place where discernment is the best tool.

Discernment is the ability to monitor yourself:  your thoughts, your feelings, your intuition, your bodily reactions and to “test drive” potential solutions.  How does it feel to think about doing x solution or y solution?  I recently had the opportunity to consider moving to the nearest “big city” and live with or nearer to some of my children (who are truly my best friends).  At first the idea filled me with such a feeling of joy, I caught fire with the idea.  The thought of living in a place where so many interesting things were happening, where there was likely to be a group of people more on my wavelength, where there were multiple coffee shops within walking distance! LOL!

Yet after a few hours thought about logistics, I began to realize (discernment) that what excited me the most was really the sense of freedom from what I was living, and THAT was something I really wanted to accomplish without giving up what I already had.  So I began to look at what would help me to feel better right here, right now.  For inspiration, I looked at the whiteboard on my fridge which holds some of my favorite bits of Abraham advice.

“Appreciate what you have.

Look forward with eagerness  to what is coming.

DO what you look forward to.

Relax about it.”

As I thought about what I look forward to, I realized that most of what was on my list were tasks!

  • Figure out how to earn enough money to support my house alone.
  • Get skinny.
  • Finish painting the downstairs.

Geez, no wonder I felt dispirited, de-energized and trapped.  Where was “Go to Scotland”?  “Meet interesting people”?  “Really enjoy being in my body”?  Of these three, I could be doing two of them right now!  I had plainly been “beating the drum” of  “I don’t have enough money”. “I’m not good enough” and “I have to finish what I start”.  Taking a step back gave me the opportunity to see these things differently, and to recognize and try on some directions to see where I would rather go.

It is fair to say that in any case of unhappiness, some of it has arisen from “beating the drum” or habitually putting one’s attention on the aspects of a situation that are not what we want.  It is also fair to say that some of it is Divine discontent, meaning that at some level of our Being it is time to move on and grow.  Discernment, the ability to read your feeling signals  and be honest with yourself about what you truly want (even if you think you “shouldn’t” want that) is the tool that will allow you to make sense of what is going on and what you feel like doing about it.

Since there is an element of both kinds of discontent in any unhappiness, it serves to see it all as Divine discontent.  In this context it is natural, it is right, for us to find the gift of understanding and use it to nurture our true desires.

 

 

The Nemesis Teacher

What is a nemesis teacher?  A person or thing which brings out in  you that which you don’t like.   Politicians and celebrities are often the vectors for this (no, I am really not just talking about Scott Walker or Rush Limbaugh).  They seem to embody, or at least espouse, those things that you feel are “wrong”.    They are people or experiences that you do not want to include in your personal reality.  They also have a way of being insistent enough to grab your attention!

Now you know that to put your attention on them simply gives them more power to disrupt your balance, but it seems impossible not to pay attention, so what do you do?  It behooves me at this point to put out a reminder that it is far easier (Really!  Or at least it will be) and more beneficial to distract yourself with something that you already feel good about, but that takes a lot of practice.  Meanwhile, find something to be grateful to your Nemesis Teacher for.  Really.

For example, that politician has powerfully drawn people’s attention to how the democratic process should work, what accountability should look like, what integrity really means.  That celebrity has caused us to value what he has put down with his name-calling tactics, has given us the opportunity to play with it in a humorous fashion.  It has pointed up what we really want by comparison to what we don’t want.

I used to tell my kids that if you really can’t find any other reason to be grateful to a nemesis teacher, tell yourself, “I’m so glad I’m not you!” (over time this has morphed into, “I’m so glad I am who I am”, but the other version has more punch because it tickles your funny bone.  Sometimes there’s a lot of relief to be had in being kinda mean in private!)

The Nemesis Teacher can be a person or an experience (being locked out of the house with the groceries and a busy agenda, for example) and it is what Abraham refers to as “contrast”.   The word “contrast” is a non-judgmental way of looking at it and points up the fact that it is  a contrast to what you want, thereby gently suggesting that inherent in the situation is an understanding of what you DO want.

So, if you are locked out of the house with the groceries and a to do list as long as your arm, what good does it do you to know that what you really want is to get inside and do your stuff?  Well, I admit that this part is kinda tricky.  The truth is that you need to identify the bit about what you want to feel, not the circumstances.  What you can’t change IS, so set about changing what you can change–your feelings about it.

“So, I’ve done what I can to get someone with a key to let me in.  Now how can I make this an experience I’m OK with?  It’s cold enough to keep the groceries from spoiling, yet warm enough that I won’t freeze.  If I wanted to, I could probably get invited into a neighbors for awhile if I do get too cold.  Wouldn’t it be nice if someone with a key comes faster than I expect.  The sky show is pretty amazing, and anything I wanted to do will still be there to do when I get to it.  This will be funny later.   It’s a little bit funny now. Every thing will be okay. ”

Who’s happier, Pooh or Eeyore?  It’s up to you which one you choose to spend your time and energy to be.

 

10 ways to say “I don’t FEEL like it”

Sometimes we have occasion to answer to others why we are making the choice  to do what we feel like, sometimes instead of what they want or instead of what is socially acceptable. Here are 10 ways:

1-Nope

2- I am not inspired/ impulsed to do that

3-That doesn’t feel right

4-I can’t be arsed

5-I’m not available for that

6-I don’t think so

7-I’m just not drawn/attracted to that

8-I don’t feel like it

9-That’s not how I want to spend my time/energy/money/life

10-

Number 10 has been left blank intentionally, because there are times when no response is the best response.  There are many ways to make no response;  you can simply be silent  (which speaks volumes), you can change the subject (sometimes repeatedly), you can give a pseudo answer (so that they don’t know that you haven’t answered them.  This is an art for quick-thinking individuals and authors.)

Back in the day, when my regional sales manager would call to get my sales numbers, and I didn’t want to admit to a bad week, I would answer, “No speak Engrish!”  Not surprisingly, he quickly figured out what that meant anyway…

By now, I hope you understand the importance of honoring your inspirations/impulses.  As you hold a vibration of doing what feels good, so you are creating a manifestation of the things you want that feel good.  So what can be gained from following your desire to say no or to not answer?

1) Clarity.  For you, because you have evaluated and made your decision and do not have to make it palatable to anyone else.  For the other person/people involved, because without your input they must rely on their own knowledge and feelings to make the decision about the next step, therefore you afford them the opportunity to achieve clarity for themselves.  Keep in mind that not everyone appreciates this opportunity, because few people are accustomed to it, or to owning their own power.  That, however, is their business and none of yours.

2) Power.  Anytime you are true to yourself and feel satisfied, you are taking back your power, because your thoughts and feelings  are the only things that are truly, completely yours to control.  When you allow “shoulds” to rule you, you are allowing the tapes in your head to have your power, and it does not feel good.  Even if you might choose that action/thought of your own free will, it must be chosen for your own reasons, not simply because it is expected by some outside authority for you to be considered as “good enough”.

Remember: 

Selfish is what you are called when you are not doing what someone else wants you to.

Clarity and Intention

Some months ago, Venus was conjuncting or passing through my chart in some fashion and the astrologer suggested making a wish because that was a good time for it to come to pass.  At the bottom of the page, he said, “If you can’t think what to wish for then ask for the clarity to know what you want.”

This is genius, and practical to boot.  It speaks to the fact that we often don’t know what we want (specifically), or where to go from here, but there is still a thing to do: ask for it to become clear.  Set an intention.   What is an intention?  According to the dictionary, it is  “An aim that guides action; an objective”.   We are complex creatures who sometimes have complex agendas, and we may need to untangle some of the threads in order to compare and prioritize them, but a good first question is,  “How do I want to feel?”

I’ve spent a lot of the last few weeks in a strange place, emotionally.  I wanted to do something, but I wasn’t sure what exactly, and all the ideas I tried on didn’t feel quite right.  Towards the end, I was bored and physically restless.  Then, a few days ago,  when I felt I couldn’t stand it anymore I decreed, “I want to feel sure!  I want to know what to do and when to do it!  I want to be absolutely clear and I want it now!  And I want it to be easy!”  Hey, when the universe is listening, make it good…

Since then, I have begun to make sense out of the past few weeks (focusing on being bored attracted more boredom to me until I recognized/got clarity that I didn’t want to be bored!).   I followed my desires as they arose yesterday and today and found several new adventures (people , thoughts and experiences).  End of boredom.

Perhaps you don’t need to know the right answers, sometimes it’s good enough to know the right questions.  “How do I want to feel?” is a very good question to start with.