Sometimes, when you are working on reorienting your thoughts to better-feeling ones, you hit a moment when you just can’t summon the energy/desire/motivation to “do the work”. The first time I remember hitting this “roadblock”, was when I was really angry about something. It seemed, however, that whenever I tried to find a different thought, my mind went all fuzzy and there was nothing else to turn to. I was vibrationally unavailable to any better-feeling thought. Eventually, I gave myself up to the anger and just went with it, and when it was spent I discovered that now I felt like pivoting my thoughts.
My experience with feeling low wasn’t exactly like this, in that it didn’t blow itself out. Instead I kept saying to myself, “This is where I am, right now and it is fine. I accept this, I accept exactly who I am right now, and I look forward to feeling better.” I was surprised, actually, to find out that while I wasn’t exactly enjoying these times, they had their up side. Being angry felt powerful and a release, and provided I didn’t share it in a hurtful way with those around me, harmless. Being bored and unproductive, while uncomfortable by being unfamiliar, had a restful aspect.
So sometimes I just wanted to be angry, sometimes I just wanted to feel sorry for myself, sometimes I just wanted to cry, etc. Because I found some strange, non-traditional enjoyment from it, I decided to call it “paradoxical fun”. And ever since I discovered this perspective, I’ve been able to analyze it and see how it works in a LoA paradigm.
To begin with, allowing myself to feel what I feel sends a great big “I accept and approve of myself” message to my subconscious. I love myself warts and all, just as my Source does. That is being in alignment.
Secondly, being willing to accept even the “ugly” parts of myself, the ones that my tapes have decreed as unacceptable has allowed me to stop holding judgements against myself and see them all as just experiences. It also means that I have no dark side to hide from. I don’t have to fear that “you won’t like me if you really knew me” syndrome that many of us secretly fear is true. If I can like even my dark bits, then I will be a vibrational match to people who also can. In any event, I’ll like myself. :) This is also being in alignment.
Thirdly, I no longer feel threatened by being stuck in an unpleasant emotion/experience. Knowing that I can change it whenever I am ready to allows me the freedom to really experience it. This is freedom, and also in alignment.
According to Abraham, if we hadn’t wanted to experience trials and travails we would not have incarnated. They say that we came here for the fun of getting out of alignment in order to find our way back into alignment. I expect that that is what I am calling “paradoxical fun”.
Now I have another wish for people, apart from “Have fun!”. I can wish them “Have paradoxical fun!”, although I might do it in my head until I’m sure they are ready to hear it out loud…